Let Me Go Read online

  He finally looked at her, looked her in the eye, and what he saw broke him. She was hurt, disappointed, and angry. And he knew he was to blame. Still, he could only stare, words evaded him. Thank God for Benny. He spoke for him. That is, until Kat went off on them. Well, on Mason really, and he knew he deserved it. Except, her words shocked him. He didn’t know any of the things she spoke about her life. It saddened him, and he wasn’t sure why. He wanted to get up and comfort her, tell her that she did have people that cared about her. But he couldn’t, because he still wouldn’t admit it to himself. And then she told him that she wasn’t to blame for all his problems. He almost believed her. Almost. She was so convincing. And the fire in her eyes told him she believed it too. Then she referenced last night and he felt like he had been slapped. She didn’t care about him the way he didn’t care about her, that’s what she said. And it hurt, it hurt like fucking hell. But that was what last night was about, wasn’t it? To sever their pseudo-friendship/relationship before anything began. Then why the hell did he want to take it all back?

  He waged an internal battle with himself. Part of him wanted to let her go, let her walk out of his life and never look back. She was more complicated than he had anticipated. He wanted to get rid of this constant headache, but he couldn’t. He forced himself to remember the objective. She was, in fact, his prisoner. He had wanted that. He had planned that. She almost had him, almost had him rethinking everything, but almost doesn’t count.

  Chapter 30

  Kat watched Mason, waiting for some kind of reaction, for something, anything. He seemed lost in thought. Maybe he was trying to figure out how to make things right, she hoped. And then he stood abruptly and smiled, but it was a cruel, cold smile.

  Kat felt like the pit of her stomach dropped just looking into his gaze. He brought his hands together and clapped, he clapped loudly and obnoxiously. She flinched before he even spoke. “Bravo. Bravo! You put on a great show there, really had me going. I commend you because I even felt sorry for you for a minute. Little orphan abandoned in a gas station bathroom who just wanted to be loved. So, what? Because I didn’t show you love, you turned on me?” He was still clapping while speaking, but now he was walking toward her slowly. She listened in shock, pain distorting the ability to process his words. “Quite the actress, Kat. You even had me believing you cared about me, that is, until you asked to leave and never look back. Bravo.” He spoke the last word as he was right in front of her.

  He still had the cold smile on his lips, but it didn’t reach his eyes. His eyes were glossy, almost as if he could feel the disappointment radiating off of her and into his own soul. And then she felt the wall break inside of her, the wall she had vowed would never crumble. With a few simple words, Mason brought it all down. Before she knew what she was doing, she brought her hand up and slapped him. She felt a tingle radiating up her arm, but Mason barely moved. He just stood there, stock-still, his face an image of confusion. It was then she felt the first tear break the surface. She turned and ran to her room before anyone could see.

  She closed the door behind her and for the first time in months, she sobbed. Her body raked with the force of her crying. Mason finally got what he wanted.

  *****

  Mason could hardly believe the cruel words that had come out of his mouth. Yes, he felt she had duped him. But he knew that her pain was real, raw, and he played off of that. He knew he could be coldhearted if necessary. He just wasn’t sure that this was the time. He just needed to push her back, keep her from gaining entry into his heart, as if she hadn’t already. His own pain caused the sneer on his face and the words to tumble out of his mouth.

  When he was standing right in front of her, he saw himself reflected in her eyes and he hated himself. He saw what his words did to her, and he wished he could take them back, but it was too late. He held his breath, waiting for Kat’s reaction. He thought, he hoped, she might get snippy with him, fight him on his attitude, talk back, but her actions shocked him frozen. She slapped him, hard. He felt the heat from her hand scorching his face, but he couldn’t move. Dear God, he really, truly hurt her. He had wanted that, needed that, but Benny was right, when it came down to it, he didn’t actually want to see her hurt. Damn it!

  “Fuck, Mason that was harsh,” Chain commented, breaking through his thoughts.

  He whipped his head around to look at the guy. If he thought it was bad, it must have been really bad.

  “Yeah, man, I didn’t think you had it in you to be like that,” John agreed.

  He turned to Benny, who was staring silently at him. Mason asked him a silent question – Was it as bad as I think it is?

  Benny nodded. “Go make it right.” He stood a moment later and watched his friends leave before he marched toward Kat’s room.

  *****

  The door flew open and Mason stood there. Kat didn’t look up. She couldn’t face him, couldn’t look him in the eye, not after the events of the last few days, especially after his words a few minutes before. But, more importantly, she didn’t want him to see her cry. She felt him kneel down on the floor beside her. She had fallen to her knees before she even reached the bed and now her head was in her hands while her legs were pushed up to her chest.

  “Kat,” Mason whispered, but she ignored him.

  “Kat, please look at me.” He tried again.

  “What I said out there…the way I acted-”

  She lifted her head sharply, interrupting him. She didn’t want to hear any more than she had already. He hated her, wanted her to pay for something she didn’t do, that was clear. Why she ever thought he was better than that was beyond her right now, in this moment.

  “You win,” she said calmly and he looked puzzled. “You fucking win, Mason. You win!” She stood up and he followed suit. “You wanted me broken, you got it!” She approached him and he didn’t back away. “You wanted a scapegoat for your problems, here I was, no questions asked, no proof necessary.” She spoke the words as she began pounding on his chest, tears streaking her cheeks. “You wanted someone to pay through humiliation and labor, I did it with a fucking smile on my face.” Her small fists barely made a dent on his body, but he took each hit, letting her beat her frustration out on him. “You wanted someone to understand you and feel for you. Well, you picked the perfect little dummy. You wanted someone to care about you, to want to be there for you, to be your friend and then some, well, you had that right here. And then it turns out it was all one big fucking joke. Let’s play with the prisoner as much as we can. Let’s see how far we can push her before she breaks. Because that’s what this was all about, right? Right? Well, I fucking broke, damn you. And now you have it. You won; I hope you’re happy because I sure as hell am not. I hate you, Mason, I hate you.” She punctuated each word with a hard rap on his chest. He grabbed her arms, forcing her to stop and look at him while he started to speak.

  “Oh, you have some way of showing you hate me. You think I haven’t noticed you parading around here in nothing but a towel, trying to seduce me? I won, huh? I can’t even be in my own place anymore because the place is filled with you, everything is about you. You think I don’t notice the way you prance around with your upbeat attitude and the way my friends’ tongues wag around you? God, I want to rip their eyes out. You think I liked not being able to fuck some random slut because all I could think about was you? And I won?” She hadn’t even realized that he had pinned her against the wall, with her hands in his tight grip above her head. She was no longer crying, though her eyes were far from dry. She was panting from her exertion and the impact of his words, but she could finally see through her tear-filled gaze. Mason was inches from her, panting as well. His deep green eyes were filled with pain, with agony. For what, she wasn’t sure. For caring about her or for hurting her? Or maybe for his own pain? And there it was again, the deep longing that had filled her heart before. She wanted to take his pain away even when he had caused her own deep pain. She wanted to reach out and stroke hi
s cheek, but she couldn’t move. She was pinned against the wall by both Mason and her own struggles. She parted her lips as if to speak, but nothing came out. And there it was, Mason’s gaze traveled from her eyes to her mouth, and the look in his eyes turned from pain to desire and the next thing she knew, his lips were on hers.

  It wasn’t a gentle kiss, it was rough and hunger-filled. His lips were soft, plump against hers, but the way he moved against her showed no restraint. She felt every want, every ounce of passion as he parted her lips with his and stroked his tongue against hers. She felt weak and dizzy with her own desire. She had imagined how their first kiss would be. She had imagined she would seduce him, and he would capture her lips in a frenzy before claiming her body. Never had she imagined something like this. She felt the heat of his kiss all the way through her body. And just when she thought she couldn’t take anymore, he pulled away.

  Still panting, his eyes were a mix of desire and confusion, with a bit of anxiety, “Kat, oh my God, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I took advantage of you in this state and I’m so sorry.” He dropped his hands from hers and started to back up.

  She hardly registered his words before her hand came out and captured his wrist. “Don’t be,” she said, her words breathless from the kiss. And she pulled him back, hard, before her lips met his.

  In the back of her mind, a voice told her she had won after all, but the pleasure she was experiencing from Mason’s all-consuming kiss outweighed any voice she heard. God, she wanted this. She wanted him. She deserved this; after all she had been through, she deserved to feel his affection. She deserved to have his body moving with hers. So, she fisted his shirt and started walking forward, causing him to move back. Their mouths never separated. She pushed him slightly so he was sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked at him as she began to undress. She should have been shy; she should have felt insecure, but she didn’t. When her clothes were off, the look in Mason’s eyes as he whispered, “You’re beautiful,” was enough to make her feel tingly all over.

  Mason grabbed her arm, pulling her to him with such force that they both ended up lying on the bed, her on top of him. He held her close for a minute and then he rolled them over, so that he was on top. He stared into her eyes, seeming to make some kind of decision. Then he stood and undressed. God he was gorgeous. His body was meant for the movies, and his face was meant for the cover of magazines. And here he stood, naked and glorious in front of her.

  “Kat, are you sure you want this?” he asked tentatively.

  “Please.” She nodded.

  “You can tell me to stop at any time,” he reassured her, “and I will.”

  “I know. Please, Mason, make love to me.”

  He let out a breath as he moved over her. He covered her body with his before placing tender kisses along her neck and jaw. He caressed her body, his featherlight touches sending her into a tizzy. It had been a long time since Seth, but even then, it felt nothing like this. This was hot and gentle, passion and pleasure mixed into one. The way Mason touched her, the way he held her, she felt like she was on fire. He trailed kisses down her torso until he reached her navel. Her body jerked involuntarily as he reached a hand to cup her breast while his tongue teased her. Slowly, he traveled lower and when he got to her wet folds, she gasped. “Mason.” That was all she had to say for him to understand. “Never?” he asked. Ashamed, she shook her head before turning away.

  “Don’t look away. You deserve this and much more. I want to make you feel good. Please tell me this is all right.”

  “Yes,” she answered, her voice just above a whisper.

  She felt his tongue flick over her, and she moaned. After a few minutes, he plunged a finger deep into her and then two, and it wasn’t long before she fell over the edge, screaming his name as she climaxed.

  “Kat, God, you are amazing. I need to be in you, but I need you to tell me what you want. I need you to be sure.”

  “Yes, Mason, please, I want you.”

  He growled, pushed off of her, fumbled around with his jeans, slipped on a condom, and covered her again with his body, spreading her thighs with his own. She felt him nudging her opening with his tip and another moan escaped her lips. He pushed in slowly, filling her and then stilled. “You are so tight; I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “Please, don’t stop.” And then he didn’t. He grabbed her hands in his and held onto her as he moved in her. She felt his breath tickle her neck as he kissed behind her ear. She felt a pleasure like never before with Mason inside her. She felt like all the shitty things in her life were worth it just to have this moment of pure ecstasy. She knew it wouldn’t last, but she didn’t care. Right now, she didn’t care about anything but the joining of Mason’s body with her own.

  He felt good, he felt right. This felt right. “Oh, God, Kat, I can’t. You feel so good.” And with his words, she came; she felt her insides vibrating against Mason as he pumped a final time and growled as he reached his own climax, her body milking him as her walls contracted against him.

  He collapsed on her momentarily before settling in beside her.

  “Are you all right? Was that okay?” he asked.

  “Yes, that was more than all right.” He smiled at her response before hugging her to him. She was satiated, she was spent, and she was in heaven.

  “I didn’t sleep with her,” he quietly murmured.

  “What?” she asked.

  “I didn’t sleep with that woman last night, I couldn’t. I kept imagining you, and I couldn’t do it. I haven’t been with anyone in a long time. I couldn’t, not after what happened to me. This, you, this is the first time.”

  “Oh, Mase.” It was the first time she had used such a nickname, but it felt right rolling across her tongue. “I’m so sorry.” Her heart ached with joy and sadness. She was ecstatic that he hadn’t been with that woman, or any woman for that matter in a while, but at the same time, her heart broke for him. He didn’t deserve anything that had happened to him.

  “I’m glad it was you,” he whispered before snuggling up to her.

  There was that voice telling her this was her chance to escape, but she pushed it down because she was glad it was her too.

  Chapter 31

  Mason’s eyes wanted to open as the light poured into the room, but he didn’t want to wake up. He knew he had dreamed last night, and if he opened his eyes, the real world would come crashing down upon him. Being with Kat was amazing, exhilarating, the best feeling in the world. But it was also wrong, so damn wrong. Finally, with a moan, he opened his eyes and peered over at Kat, who was still sleeping peacefully, curled into his side.

  He would have liked nothing more than to stay with her, touch her, brush his fingertips along every inch of her body, but what had transpired between them shouldn’t have happened. He wanted it, he needed it, and he was pretty sure she wanted it too, but it had all happened in the heat of the moment with passion, anger, and fire in their veins. He had taken advantage of her, pure and simple. She was his responsibility, and as such, he shouldn’t have let last night happen. He was her captor for God’s sake. How could he have used his position like that against her? Because he wasn’t thinking. Because her kisses were fire, her body was heat, and together they were passion. It had all felt so good, so right. And thank fucking God he had enough sense to find the condom he had planned to use on that blonde skank the night before. The irony was not lost on him that if he hadn’t meant to purge Kat out of his system, he wouldn’t have had a condom in the first place. And yet, a part of him wondered if last night would have happened if he had been unprotected. Either way, it shouldn’t have.

  Yes, he was being hypocritical considering that this entire scheme consisted of him using his power over her to break her down so she could feel the kind of pain he had felt. But that was different. That was mental, nothing physical. He had never laid a hand on her, never implied he would use his strength to force her physically in any way. As broken and hurt as h
e was, he wasn’t that much of a monster. He had used her vulnerability to satisfy his own selfish needs. And that was another matter altogether. He had set out to deny there were any feelings, any connection between them. He had done all he could think of to push her away, to make her hate him, to prove he didn’t care. Some good that did him. All it did was bring them closer together than he ever thought was possible. God, this was a mess. A fucking mess. What was he going to do? He cared about her and wanted her, but what he had done last night was a bad idea, a very bad idea. Not to mention the fact that she was still his prisoner. What the hell was he supposed to do about all that? And then, to top it all off, he had accomplished what he had set out to do. He broke her. He had never seen her lose herself like she had the previous day; in fact, he had never seen her cry. She had been right, he had won, and just thinking about it made him feel like shit. Great! He hurt her in the worst possible way and then proceeded to make love to her instead of comforting her or just letting her go. And now what? What the hell was he going to do? He couldn’t let her go. Hell, he didn’t want to.

  He tried slipping out of bed without waking her, but as he found his discarded clothing, he heard her breathing change.

  “Morning.” He heard her raspy morning voice from behind him. He grumbled a morning back without turning. He didn’t know what to say to her, he couldn’t even look at her. He felt lost with no direction. He wasn’t sure if he should apologize, and if he did, where to start. Oh fuck! Things had gone from bad to horrible to amazing to horrid in no time.

  “Gonna jump in the shower,” he said and then rushed out of the room.