Let Me Go Page 11

  He let Adam out and went back to Kat. He knew that he cared about her. But admitting it to yourself and hearing it from someone else were two different things. He didn’t care about her a lot, not like Adam implied. He just cared about her as a human being, as his responsibility, and as a maybe-sort-of friend who understood him even when he didn’t want her to. That was it. But damn if he wasn’t happy Adam came when he did. He was starting to think all sorts of crazy thoughts. A virus. Thank God! He knew they weren’t in the clear yet, but at least he could deal with a virus. He wasn’t about to lose Kat.

  Chapter 21

  Adam came back with some medicine, an IV, and several other supplies.

  “Geez Mason, I know it’s been a while, but you really couldn’t diagnose this yourself?” Adam asked after Kat was situated comfortably.

  Mason stared back at Adam dumbfounded as he processed his words. Huh. He should have been able to figure this out himself, but instead he went straight into panic mode. He’d barely checked her out before automatically assuming the worst. If he didn’t know better, he’d think he was acting like she was family or something.

  “Oh dear God.” Adam’s voice broke him from his thoughts. “You love her, don’t you? I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but the way you sounded on the phone, you’d think she was dying, and you were some clueless nobody instead of a doctor with a reputation that was spot-on.”

  “I’m not a doctor anymore, and I don’t fucking love her!” Mason screamed back.

  “Yeah, sure, buddy. You couldn’t see it was a virus and all she needed was meds and proper care? You are the reason why doctors can’t treat someone they care about. How the hell did you get into this mess? Wait, no, don’t tell me. Just answer me this. How the hell did you fall in love with the woman who accused you of rape and put you in jail?”

  “Stop fucking saying that! Look, I seriously appreciate everything you did here for me. And you are right, I did go a little crazy with worry, but only because she’s my responsibility. So yeah, maybe I am a little too close to the patient to be able to see straight. But I don’t and can’t love her. You got it right, she ruined my life. How could I love her?”

  “What is she doing here?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “Are you on drugs? Is she your supplier?” Adam narrowed his eyes at Mason.

  “Seriously?” Mason asked incredulously. “I’m not on drugs and neither is she. She’s not like that anymore. She’s actually completely different than what I expected.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, she’s got spark. She talks back, but she’s also so damn nice it kind of kills me sometimes. And she’s too understanding for her own good. Sometimes I feel like I should be laying on a couch talking to her like a therapist. She’s beautiful and considerate. She takes everything you throw at her and does it with a damn cheery smile on her face like nothing can bring her down. I admire that, you know.”

  “Uh huh,” Adam answered with a knowing look.

  “This, what we have going on here, is something you don’t want to know about. It’s all because I haven’t forgotten what she did to me, okay? So get off my back.”

  “Your head may not have forgotten, but your heart clearly has,” Adam answered.

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I’ve seen you interacting, well, maybe interacting is a bit of a stretch, but I’ve seen you handle her for what? Like twenty minutes. And I heard you describe her, so I’m basically a stranger to whatever situation you got going on, right?” Mason nodded in agreement. “Even I can see what you obviously don’t want to admit. Look, I know I said I wanted to know what was going on here, but I seriously don’t want to know. I have a feeling that the less I know, the better it is for me. So I am going to take this at face value for the sake of my career, sanity, and our friendship.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “That I was helping my friend and made a house call when he overreacted because he loves the girl too much to see straight.”

  “Goddamn it, Adam.”

  Adam cut him off. “Look, bullshit yourself all you want. Bullshit her even, hell, I don’t care. But don’t bullshit me. And do me a favor, next time you have a panic attack over a paper cut or a broken nail, leave me out of it. I love you, Mason, you know I do. I always believed you were innocent. And I always believed you got screwed. I know we haven’t been as close as we used to be, but you are still my friend and I’m there for you whenever you need me. Which is why I’m telling you this, whatever you have going on here is bad news, and not just because of the legal ramifications, but because somewhere along the way, you fell for her. So figure your shit out, and either get out of this mess or tell her how you feel and pray that’s enough. But whatever you decide, I don’t know anything about this, all right? God knows I’m smart enough to have figured out a few things, but I’m pretty sure I can pull off the ‘too good looking to be smart’ routine,” Adam said through a forced laugh, clearly trying to lighten up his words. “But seriously, figure it out, and stop denying yourself.”

  Mason opened his mouth to dispute Adam’s words, but Adam put his hand up. “Don’t bother. I know you are going to go into another tirade about how you don’t and can’t love her. I’m sure you’ll figure it out yourself in time, but there is nothing you can say to convince me otherwise. So, save your breath, we’ll just agree to disagree.”

  Mason just nodded. Even though Adam was wrong about his feelings, he knew he was right about the argument. He walked him out and Adam turned to him. “You know, regardless of what I just said, if you need anything, you know I’m here for you. Even if you have another freak out. And let’s get together more. I miss you, man.”

  Mason nodded in agreement and clapped Adam on the back. “Thank you, seriously, for everything. You’re totally wrong about me, but I love you anyway. You’re a good friend. Thanks.”

  Adam left and Mason pondered their conversation while checking on Kat. Maybe he cared about Kat more than he probably should. But love? No way. Adam was dead wrong. Absolutely, positively, incomprehensibly wrong. And then a tiny voice in his head told him he protested way too much for something that was so false.

  He shook his head, looked at Kat, and ran his hand down her arm. She still didn’t stir. “I can’t love you, Kat, but I’m so damn happy you are going to be just fine.”

  Chapter 22

  Kat’s eyes fluttered open. She felt a little dazed and wasn’t sure where exactly she was. The last thing she remembered was getting dressed and ready to start her day. Now, she was in bed and there was a superbly giant stuffed animal in bed with her. Okay, this was a dream, definitely a dream. Ow. Everything hurt. She felt sore and weak, and there was something attached to her hand. Was that an IV? And then she heard faint breathing coming from the stuffed animal beside her, and as she turned her head to examine closer, she blinked in surprise. Mason was in her bed. She snorted out loud at her insane thoughts. Why the heck would she think he was a stuffed animal? He certainly wasn’t soft and pudgy. No, he had nice, hard planes covering his entire body. Very delectable hard planes, in fact. But seriously, what the heck happened? She wondered why she was in bed feeling like she had been run over by a truck. And she wanted to know why on earth Mason was in her bed.

  She was getting a headache just thinking about it. So she dropped her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes. And then it all started coming back to her as if she were watching a highlight reel.

  She remembered feeling the darkness cloud over her and feeling intense heat and shivering at the same time. Shit! She had been sick, and she was still sick. She remembered feeling a little woozy when trying to get dressed and feeling like her legs were going to give out and then everything going black. She must have passed out. And Mason must have found her and taken care of her. She tried to remember more, but everything was a blur. She remembered the feeling of being carried, of having arms wrap around her and tell her she was goi
ng to be fine. She remembered feeling safe and trusting that calming voice. She knew she was going to be fine because he had told her she would.

  She focused, willing herself to remember more. She remembered someone stroking her face lovingly with shaky fingers. She remembered how nice it felt to know someone cared about her and her wellbeing. She heard voices talking about love, about loving someone that shouldn’t be loved. Boy, did she know that feeling. She heard someone talking about her. She knew, somehow, that someone was describing her with such affection that it made her want to open her eyes and learn more, but her body didn’t respond to her mind.

  She remembered Mason staying with her, holding her, whispering how happy he was that she was going to be okay. He didn’t let her go, watched her, adjusted her, made sure she was comfortable and all right. Part of her didn’t even want to wake up because she knew she was living a fantasy. He was being so gentle, so wonderful with her, and she reveled in it. Her body was fighting itself, but her mind and heart were at peace. She felt safe and knew that when the time was right, she’d open her eyes.

  Then she remembered his solid words. “I can’t love you Kat.” It was Mason. It was his strong voice, trembling. It was his confession to her, but laced with a hint of regret. He had said that to her, but he wasn’t sure he believed it himself. And suddenly, Kat didn’t either. She didn’t understand why he thought he couldn’t love her. Was it because of whatever he thought she did to him? The past was the past, and she wasn’t even responsible anyway. But the questions got her mind buzzing.

  Yes, he could love her. Kat was sure that he was capable of it. She’d get him to love her, and then she’d use that against him. He’d love her, and he’d let her go.

  He had shown her compassion over and over, had shown her how much he secretly cared about her, numerous times. He had shown her a side of himself he probably wanted to keep hidden. He had shared the pain that he clearly wanted to forget. And she took it all. Now, he took care of her, stayed by her side, and made sure she was going to be okay.

  He was exactly the man she thought he was, a regular nice guy with a tough exterior. She had broken through on several occasions. But now, without meaning to, she had clearly gotten past a giant wall of his. Who knew feeling so damn shitty would be a good thing?

  Her conscious, it had to be her conscious because it couldn’t be her mind, and especially not her heart, told her she didn’t want to do this. She didn’t want to use him. She didn’t want to get him to fall for her and use his feelings against him. It had to be because she was a good person and not because she actually cared about him. But she did care. She didn’t want him hurt or broken, and she was sorry that he had gone through all that he had. She had already decided that she hated the person responsible for turning this man into the broken shell he was. Not just because of how it affected her, but because he didn’t deserve it. But the fact remained that she was involved and she was stuck, and as much as she wanted to pull Mason into her arms right now and thank him for taking such good care of her, she wanted her freedom more.

  She opened her eyes and leaned over the still sleeping Mason. She brushed a strand of hair away from his forehead. He was beautiful. He was charming. And heck, he was even caring. In another life…she shook those thoughts from her head. It wasn’t another life.

  She stroked his arm softly, trying to wake him up peacefully. “Mason.” She whispered his name a few times until he opened his eyes and stared at her.

  “Kat?” he asked as if he couldn’t believe she was really there.

  “Thank you,” she said softly.

  He grabbed her and pulled her to him, hugging her. “I am so damn happy you’re awake. You scared me. Damn, I knew when you did something, you did it all the way. But really? Did that have to include getting sick too?” He chuckled and it warmed Kat’s heart. He really was so wonderful when he was out of his shell.

  “Thank you for taking care of me. I don’t remember much and it’s all one giant black box for me, but I remember that you stayed by my side and made sure I was okay. I appreciate it.”

  “Just don’t go getting sick on me again.”

  “I’ll try.” She laughed.

  Oh yeah, she could get Mason to fall for her. She just didn’t know if she could do it without also falling for him.

  Chapter 23

  Kat enjoyed the feeling of being wrapped in Mason’s arms and being comforted for a few minutes before reality set in, and she began asking questions that needed to be answered.

  “So what happened?” she finally asked.

  “I found you unconscious and burning up. You really freaked me out, that’s what happened.”

  Kat chuckled. She had figured that out herself already. She was more curious about how she was attached to an IV drip that was starting to itch and how she got better in the first place if she never left the house. Or rather, she didn’t think that she left the house.

  “How did you take care of me? And this,” she pointed to the IV, “can I take it out now?”

  “I’d better do it,” Mason said as he got up. “You have to take some meds for the next few days, and we need to get some liquid in you.”

  “Yes doctor,” she teased, but he immediately tensed. She was curious about what she said that elicited such a severe response from him. She thought a near-death panic allowed for a little fun back and forth chatter.

  He didn’t say anything, but got up and removed the line with such care, she gasped. All the puzzle pieces seemed to fall into place, she didn’t know how she could have missed it.

  “You were a doctor!” she exclaimed.

  “You remember,” he answered deadpanned.

  “No!” she answered without hesitation. “It’s just how you went all rigid when I joked just now and well, you confirmed my suspicion.”

  “So you knew exactly what was wrong with me. You did all this. But how? How did you get everything you would need?”

  “I didn’t. A friend of mine came by and checked you out. I hate to admit it, but I’m out of practice and wasn’t as perceptive to the signs that this was just a really bad virus.”

  “Out of practice?”

  “Well, yes, after you are sentenced for a crime, you don’t tend to get to keep your license. And while I was on trial, I couldn’t very well practice. So, take the trial time, the time I was in prison, and now the time I’ve been out, and that’s well over seven years. The medical field changes every day. You can’t very well stay out of it for that long and not get behind.”

  “But you said I scared you? Surely, you must have known this wasn’t life threatening,” Kat questioned.

  “Well, even the flu can potentially be life threatening, so no, I didn’t know. And I may have felt a bit like you were my responsibility, and that clouded my better judgment. So no, I didn’t see the signs very clearly.”

  He wasn’t telling her something. His eyes were shifting around the room, not looking at her. He was trying to avoid this line of questioning, which of course, made Kat want to know more. But she also knew that he was probably done with the conversation.

  “Please tell me what happened. I only remember small pieces, but I remember that you didn’t leave my side.”

  He sat back down on the bed. “You are still weak and are going to need to rest for the next twenty-four hours at least, if not more. I’ll monitor you. Consider this a little vacation seeing as I’ll be the one taking care of you for the next few days.”

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  “There isn’t much to answer. I came out for breakfast, and you weren’t there. I called your name, and you didn’t answer. I went to see what was wrong with you, and I found you passed out on the floor. You didn’t respond to me, and you felt very hot to the touch, so I took your temperature and it was over one hundred and four. Not sure if you know this, but if you have a temperature over one hundred and four for an extended period of time, you are supposed to go to the ER. Since I didn’t know how
long you’d had such a high fever, I panicked. I called a friend of mine, he checked you out, gave you some medicine and nutrients, and I stayed by your side to make sure your fever went down. You are still warm and I’m sure you are still feeling it, but you’re fine now.”

  “You stayed with me all night?”

  “Well, if your fever spiked, it wouldn’t have done me any good not knowing it.”

  “I knew you were beside me and I felt safe. I heard you break through my thoughts and tell me I was going to be fine, and I believed you even in my haze.”

  “Well, doctors usually are right.”

  “I didn’t know you were a doctor and I wasn’t even thinking clearly. It was my subconscious that heard you, Mason, and knew you’d keep me from harm.”

  “It hasn’t escaped your mind that you got sick under my supervision, has it?”

  “I could have gotten sick anywhere in the world.”

  “Yes, well, you didn’t. I felt responsible, so don’t take too much stock in anything. I can see the gears in your head trying to process things. I’m not your friend, Kat. I’ve told you that plenty of times. Just because I don’t want any physical harm to come to you doesn’t mean I don’t wish to break your spirit. And right now, you are giving me a headache. So instead of trying to push me, why don’t you take this reprieve I’m offering you and rest? Enjoy having me wait on you because as soon as you are better, you can bet your ass you are going to make up the time you missed. The house will need a thorough cleaning, toothbrush and all.”

  Kat smirked. He had tried to put on the tough exterior, but she couldn’t help but feel like it was all a façade. His words may have been rough, and he tried to appear like he was chastising her, but his tone was all wrong. It was filled with concern, worry, and even some longing.

  It was clear that Kat wasn’t the only one who had some feelings between the two of them. She just wasn’t sure he was aware that he cared about her. And even if he did, he wouldn’t allow himself to admit it. Not to her and especially not to himself. But that didn’t mean Kat couldn’t play up his feelings for her. She would seduce him, and get him to come to terms with the fact that he was indeed a human being, a pretty good one actually, and he cared about her whether he liked it or not. And once she got him to admit his love for her, she would get him to let her go. Yep, it would all work out just fine. All she had to do was keep tearing down his walls, and he would fall in love with her. She was sure of it. She had to be confident with her plan because this was the best chance for her to get out.